Check out our Christmas crackers!

Happy Christmas from all of us at THE Sussex-based PR agency.

Christmas cracker number 1:

A public relations consultant and his client were walking to a meeting one day when they saw a small child being attacked by a fierce Rottweiller. Without hesitating, the client rushed forward, grabbed the dog with his bare hands and wrestled it to the ground.

After several bloody and terrifying minutes of a life and death struggle, the client managed to kill the beast and thus rescue the child. As he lay on the ground, bleeding and gasping for breath, unable to talk, a passing journalist jumped out of a car and ran over to them to ask what had happened.

“What a story!” he said when told the details. “Local hero saves child”.

“If I can just correct you there,” the public relations consultant interrupted, “I am Mr Smith’s spokesman, and I should alert you to the fact that Mr Smith is just visiting this area.”

“Well, that’s fine, too,” said the journalist. “Visitor risks life to save child. So, what does Mr Smith do?”

“As a matter of a fact,” the consultant explained, “he is the chairman of a major listed company”.

The headline next day read: “CORPORATE FAT CAT STRANGLES FAMILY PET”

Christmas cracker number 2:

Terms used when writing up performance appraisals and the real meanings of the words:

  • Good Communication Skills – Spends a lot of time chatting on the telephone
  • Average Employee – Is not too bright
  • Exceptionally Well Qualified – Has made no major blunders yet
  • Work is her First Priority – Is too ugly to get a date
  • Active Socially – Drinks a lot
  • Family is Active Socially – Spouse drinks, too
  • Independent Worker – Nobody knows what he is doing
  • Quick Thinking – Offers plausible excuses
  • Careful Thinker – Won’t make a decision
  • Uses Logic on Difficult Assignments – Gets someone else to do them
  • Expresses herself well – Speaks English
  • Meticulous Attention to Detail – Is a nit picker
  • Has Leadership Qualities – Is tall
  • Exceptionally Good Judgement – Is very lucky
  • Keen Sense of Humour – Knows a lot of dirty jokes
  • Career Minded – Is always stabbing colleagues in the back
  • Very Loyal – Can’t get a job anywhere else

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